It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
