I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
