Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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