Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
