we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
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