After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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