I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
