Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
My liver just had a heart attack.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.