You smell like a Billy Joel song
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.