you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy