i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.