Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
