Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
