i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices