I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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