i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
