I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
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