Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
