When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
