i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
