We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
