u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
