i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
