Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Randomize
