I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
