6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...