Lets date for the summer
Dont love me in September.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...