Texts From Last Night

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  (631): View more from New York

  there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.

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  (631): there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be. http://tfl.nu/ag4a
  Replies (12) Good night (4365) Bad night (1749)
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?

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  (718): did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are? http://tfl.nu/17ys
  Replies (17) Good night (4110) Bad night (776)
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  (607): View more from New York

  flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final

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  (607): flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final http://tfl.nu/3a2h
  Replies (11) Good night (5270) Bad night (984)
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.

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  (262): Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta. http://tfl.nu/1aj3
  Replies (29) Good night (6584) Bad night (1176)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.

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  (303): She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before. http://tfl.nu/yrqt
  Replies (82) Good night (9481) Bad night (1323)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood

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  (402): Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place (402): This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded (402): Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood http://tfl.nu/jep5
  Replies (8) Good night (1783) Bad night (819)
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.

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  (928): I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with. http://tfl.nu/qynz
  Replies (2) Good night (1325) Bad night (1013)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.

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  (360): you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own. http://tfl.nu/6swo
  Replies (5) Good night (2071) Bad night (499)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..

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  (443): No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man.. http://tfl.nu/sort
  Replies (7) Good night (746) Bad night (1560)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.

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  (360): High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice. http://tfl.nu/cgkk
  Replies (12) Good night (1289) Bad night (654)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having

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  (720): Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having http://tfl.nu/k4bc
  Replies (3) Good night (870) Bad night (551)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  We can put you in charge of something

  (1-214): View more from Texas

  I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous

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  (214): We can put you in charge of something (1-214): I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous http://tfl.nu/dlb7
  Replies (3) Good night (1201) Bad night (365)
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.

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  (810): you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam. http://tfl.nu/qr51
  Replies (1) Good night (643) Bad night (407)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.

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  (202): She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood. http://tfl.nu/9x0w
  Replies (4) Good night (895) Bad night (558)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.

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  (206): He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me. http://tfl.nu/fq3w
  Replies (13) Good night (484) Bad night (1056)

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