Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.