my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch