He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken