My room smells like vodka and shame
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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