My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
