You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
