Ketchup is God's man juice
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
