I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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