Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
