She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
