It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
It's blow job season.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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