I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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