Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
