i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
