do herpes really smell.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He called his prostate his "boner button".
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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