$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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