She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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