you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
My vagina is very pro this idea
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
