those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
