The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
