Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
