i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
