Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
