sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
my being single is dangerous.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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