I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I fill condoms, not promises.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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