On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
