u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
