So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
