Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
