and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
