The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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