just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
