Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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