I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
