the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Randomize
