Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
