I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize