why didn't you poke me back
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
