So drunk, too bad you don't want this
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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