why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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