Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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