it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
