were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
