brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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