There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
