Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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