Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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