Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Buhtt sex?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
