he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
