OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
