Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
