I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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