nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize