I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
